A look in the mirror

Woke up at 9am in the Morning, Feeling as if i were half drunk, but still managed to gather what remained of my wits to drag myself to the bathroom for a good cleanup! It's the usual end-of-the-week feeling i get on each off, as if, wow, haven't been working out for quite sometime hmmm! Time to get your ass off the couch boy, hit the gym, and do some running! Maybe get a swim too! Or so I told myself. Little did I know what's wrong with my body today. I just finished the sit up and i went onto the treadmill, confident as ever! For the first Kilometre i could still breathe through my nose perfectly without much effort, and while i was running my head was watching Channel new asia on a suspended tv set. Like so stylo, can watch tv and run. Chicks would just dig that BAHAHAH. But anyway as I hit 1.6km I started to feel this HUGE burning pain erupting from my stomach, I have never felt that before, but it was strong and unlike much of the pain you'd expect to experience after a run! I thought maybe i could get over it and continue, but then it started to get worse, and i capped myself off at 2km before i decided my body was a no-go for today. And the moment I stopped running! The small matchstick flame erupted into a forest fire. I could barely force myself to stand straight before hurrying myself into the toilet, where i finally couldn't bear with the pain any longer and just clutched my stomach in front of the sink. But no matter what I did the pain just wouldn't subside, so I just gripped my stomach tightly and held on for what seemed like dear life! OMG as if I had just been shot by a bullet or something, or some big bully just gave me an unforgivable punch in the abs, and there i was sprawled on the floor. Now I think I know what being a WOMAN with PERIOD actually feels like! Gosh that sucks. Took me about a good 25 minutes before i could stand up properly and walk out of the toilet. Dahm what is wrong with thy body? Guess I'll have to pass the swimming today. Even WALKING gave me the aches.

It's 16th May! And where is my SIM admission letter oh gosh. That's been keeping me on my toes for weeks, something which I've been really looking forward to and it has been keeping me on my toes. I would pretty much just love to have the confirmation! Like something to ease my mind off the many many different issues i already have. Ughh as if work isn't enough. But strangely work seems to be getting more and more bearable! Like my workplace is sort of my second home. I get uncomfortable without it, and I feel natural amongst the shelves and the racks of clothes, I laugh and joke about more with the other staff, and that pretty much makes my day. Time flies by really fast too! Probably because i have much MUCH deeper pockets than last month. Yet somehow, I feel i still need a breath of fresh air from all this work, like maybe a change of pace for a while, would be healthy.

Everyday I watch the Topshop/Topman staff at work, and everyday I listen to their tiny bickers, experience their small conflicts. And then I realise how hard it is not to get myself Involved in any of the disputes of unhappiness. How on earth can one simply not have an opinion of his own? Still I guess I shall choose to keep to myself and ignore everything that doesn't involve me, and it BETTER not involve me haha! Neither do I want to influence them in anyway, everybody has to learn to make decisions and choices, be it right or wrong. And they will only learn through the consequences. But honestly I think someone is beginning to step over the line... And if it gets too far, I might have to snap his neck. Still, lets not hope for that. I appreciate all my colleagues, I need all of them, and I would hate to sever our good work relations.

Conversing with my friends over dinner, I started to realise something about myself. My conversations are beginning to take on a more superficial stance. I talk about clothes more, I talk about fashion, dressing, other people's dressing etc etc. Stuff I dont usually talk about a year back. I talk about retail, buying things and what to get next, how I'm to save up next month to get what not, things that dont really matter in the big world out there. I'm becoming increasingly more vain, I bother more about looks than usual, and not my character. Gone are the days when I used to talk and sing of love, living, friends, going out etc etc, oh how I miss them. I dont want to get involved TOO deep into the fashion world, lest, like some real life examples I've seen, and whereby they can arrogantly proclaim their self-styled, 'unparalleled' fashion sense verbally and mentally, so much so that if you place a mirror before them, they would've forgotten what they used to look like before, and oblivious to what they looked like now. People tend to think about what they would think about themselves when they look in the mirror. But they tend to forget what others would think about them, and that is what really mattered. I dont want to have to "wake-up" from that kind of bad-dream, and when the self realisation starts to kick in it'll be painful. So I'm thinking maybe sometime away from Topshop/Topman would be nice, not permanently, but just some time away. What's the use of dressing up myself so nicely, yet I can't speak well, care about, or connect with others? I might as well replace one of the mannequins in the shop.

And here's a toast to your ever-dusty Love life Weiyu! Busy as you may be at work, and ever ignorant when you are doing so, may you STILL continue your search and find the right one for yourself! And good luck with that! Find not another tramp, harlot, vixen or a shrieking harpy. Find one whom you can connect your soul with, even if you weren't in a hurry to do so. YAM SENG.