Decisions decisions... again

Here we go again! I find myself in a corner once more, pondering over a decision that I would have to make in a week's time. I dont even understand why I'd wanna poke into the lives of others, what spurred me on at that point of time to do so either! Sure, I knew what I was in for, I steeled myself mentally for the outcomes, I also thought about being some third party guy before, and I was pretty confident of it! Even tried to plan out nice things that could happen. But then again, who am I? Some hero come down from the sky to rescue some damsel in some love distress? Somehow along the way I think I forgot to consider one simple fact being : What if she didn't WANT any rescuing, or a way out? What she just wants to drown in her pool of sweet sorrow, because it might be much simpler to do so than to get out of it and find maybe find something better. What am I? A Solution to all the world's problems? The cure for every disease on this earth? Of all the things I considered, I guess I forgot to consider my own feelings for that matter too! Especially when she told me in point-blank about the guy she fancied, and oh wow, how she described it! With great passion and detail right down to the man's very eyebrows. And then I realise that at the same time this was what I was looking for all along, this fierce devotion i dont see in most people, and OH how I have searched for it. This is precisely what drew me to her in the first place. Then suddenly it dawned on me as I was overcome in this funny feeling that hey, that devotion doesn't belong to you man, it's for someone else. And then it struck me that I really didn't know what to do about it, how to obtain it, which somehow seems much more difficult to reach than I once thought. Like something on a tall shelf! Which doesn't seem very high from far, but when you actually get close you realise you need a really tall chair. And If you fall, it's going to hurt really bad. For the first time in a long while I felt a little heartache, but why should I? I don't understand. But i just felt a light touch of jealousy on my shoulder as I compared my current state with his. But it's not anybody's fault. After right now, who am I to her? Just a voice on the internet. He's worked with her for months. I thought it'd be easy to bear... but apparantly it's not. God I need to think carefully about what I'm doing. But for now, I'm just going to drown in the music

Paces

Nothing beats an off day at home. But nothing TRULY beats an OFF day from topshop on a SATURDAY NIGHT when there's a dahm end-season SALE going on woohooooo. Seriously, all it takes is a big signboard with the four letter word S-A-L-E to gather women like bees to honey, and watch them grow a set of horns above their heads. And all of a sudden they start zipping around the place at inhuman speed, tearing through your clothing racks with supernatural strength and everything flies onto the floor. Then as you bend down to pick it all up, SOME even have the cheek to dump their unwated clothes onto your already full hands! My god where's the gun when you need one HAHA! But well, staying home on a weekend truly brings about mixed feelings. On one hand I'm glad to be able to rest my feet from all the standing for 6 days straight and taking a break from seeing so many faces everyday, but then again, Why am i spending it at home alone haha? Haven't I done that enough for the past 2 months already? Man i cant even remember when's the last time i went out with someone! Apart from the Thailand trip that is haha! Anyways, I only realised this just yesterday after I agreed to accompany my Topman work-mate to town for a look-see, and then she asks, "So you were planning to go to town, ALONE?", I went "Yeah, why?", "Why must you behave until so emo like that? Ask your friends out lah!" Then I thought for a moment and said, "Well they're busy what!" Or at least I assumed. I mean sure there are my close friends but somehow I just dont feel particularly compelled to ask them out for anything. There are my army mates and work-mates, but likewise! I dont feel particularly compelled to ask them out either unless there's some important event! Which is pretty contradictatory at the end of the day when I'm asking myself why can't i find someone I wanna go out with! Maybe it's because we usually do the same things when we go out as a group? Or maybe I'm just looking and hoping for a specific person I don't know haha! Or I've grown so accustomed to going out on my own I actually prefer it! Nobody to come and bug me to do this and that, I can go wherever I want, no need to worry about the other person's preferences... can stay inside one shop for HOURS for all i care. Awesome. Then the more i start talking like that the more i feel like slapping myself HAHA! Who wants to be truly alone!

Anyhow I spent most of my day in the pool! Swam for about 4 hours straight, running on just a slice of bread, milo, a banana and a can of redbull. Thought about beating my old personal best of 4km in nonstop free-style (Which always helps to clear a cloudy mind!), But the catch about doing this long swims is that it takes ALOT of time, and i tend to get bored... really easily. By about the 8th lap I'm already thinking about whether i should just end this farce, go upstairs and grab myself a cup of sweet lemonade. THEN I try to distract myself by thinking about all the worldly issues I have! how to deal with em, and how to avoid certain others. Mostly it's daydream about things that could happen, and things that havent. Man I think I'm so good at imagining things sometimes I wonder if I'm truly living in reality or in my own fantasies. I can even imagine to the point whereby I'm in a blazer getting married! Have I gone nuts? Anyway I'm pretty suprised that for a public pool on a saturday? It wasn't packed at all! Compared to a sunday? Wow. Wont have to systematically dodge every man, woman and child, which can be pretty distracting. Oooh but towards the 40th lap I begin to feel myself getting... of all the feelings in the world, a little woozy! Kinda like I wanted to fall asleep underwater but my body's still moving! My eyes were somewhat half close, and my initial pace started to come close to a slow crawl... And my left arm felt like it wanted to come off anytime soon too! Jeez I've had it. I climbed out of the pool on the 50th lap, and then realised the biggest challenge next was to walk straight! God getting to my bags at the white tanning seat was even more tiring than i imagined! At least i accomplished what i came here to do today!

Man i wanna watch a movie with somebody