My life in a traditional Chinese family, Dad's all about money AND making the money, works late into the night everytime and it's not uncommon to find him asleep on the table, sofa or what not, just so he can later 'wake up' and catch his favourite 2am Taiwanese news. Mom's a housewife, cooks, nags all day long about how much food I'm wasting, plays mahjong every weekend, and steals all kinds of freebies from restaurants and hotels home. My sister and brother are both about 28, 27 respectively, and being the youngest of the lot, leaves me with a large age gap of about 6 - 7 years apart. It's no surprise that 4 of them are like minded, and I tend to think abit more radically, being in the supposed OTHER generation. Like my brother and sister would tend to keep quiet when they're given a good finger wagging, but you would not achieve the same result when it comes to me! There are many things I'm pretty good at doing at home, but keeping quiet I am not! Ever since I was young I always liked to talk back, especially when I'm REALLY not at fault! Because i think it's stupid getting canned for something you didn't do and be the silent victim! Then later flashing two big teary eyes "But i really never~~" But hey I really wasn't a problem child of any sort, I never got into fights, never smoked whatever, But still my mom was appalled. What kind of son is this? So unlike the other two! So one day she actually tried to send me to this... psychiatric counseller? Apparantly this guy was some sort of expert dealing with problematic kids blah blah blah. I remember walking into his room and seeing his huge wall decorated full with certificates, awards with long university names that would bring a deep pain to remember, his desk full of paper and metallic paperweights, and behind his desk were some photographs of himself, posing with many many different families and their supposed problematic kids, i remember one in particular he was posing with a kid who had a cap on and both of them giving a thumbs up, along with a $2 smile, wide and baring their teeth. Later heard one of the kids actually punched his own mom in the stomach. Below those photographs were WOW, huge big gift hampers (it was close to chinese new year then), Each littered with awesome tasty looking crackers, biscuits and candy, all the things a kid like me would fancy! And then the signature big round bottle of XO Martell on top. All lavishly decorating his floor. And the room had this strange musky smell, which kept giving me the impression that there was ginseng burning maybe under his table. Or maybe it was just his socks i dont know. He was a spectacled guy, wearing a white or grey buttoned shirt, and looked rather cheery, almost as if he saw pot of gold walking in. He greeted my mom first, politely, in that sort of gentlemanly way you would expect to find in James Bond movies, but no he did not kiss her hand or anything, if not I would have been pretty sure the Martell from the hamper would be the last thing he would ever kiss. Then he greeted me with the kiddish "hello~~", Honestly Im really glad I still had a conservative middle finger at that point of time? Otherwise we would REALLY have a problem. I think i practically ignored him or something, i donr remember saying much. I didn't like talking to strangers then. I just sat down where i was told two, one of the two chairs in front of his impressive teak desk. I don't really know why, but i just had the sudden thought that this guy's only out to impress parents, with all the decorations, everything on display, it struck me that his room was kind of like a little museum, and the whole set up was only to sell one thing, himself. And of course all the traditional aunties and moms really digged certs and awards and all that, even now! I was beginning to think this whole thing was a joke. So he asked me a few questions, all of it i couldn't remember, and I remember not saying much, and my mom was usually answering for me, then i would laugh sarcastically or something like that, and the doctor would look at me and smile or pass some other sarcastic comment, then i would just smile back. To tell the truth I dont think he did ANY convincing or anything of that sort, like break me down and telling me to try to be better that kind of thing, just... talked talked talked. It bored me immensely, and so i kept staring at his gift hampers. Thank the gods they were there! They made for fine entertainment. I mean why the hell would I wanna look at his certs? They don't make for fine reading. All i could see was this line across the middle of the page, and his name typed out in bold, before this huge signature at the bottom left corner and a gold seal on the right. Boring stuff. I prefered comics, or animal pictorials. So I scruntinized each box and packet of crackers and sweets carefully... Oooh I liked that one! yum yum. Oooh that one too! And my mind just drifted off into the wonders of taste ... before he asked me another question and i snapped right back into reality. By the end of the day I guess he accomplished nothing, my mom was not satisfied with anything either, and I just left the place with a constant nagging all the way to the family car. Wonder what was wrong with those other kids.
And now my family's worried about what I'm turning out to be, mostly it's just my appearance in general. When i got my left ear pierced last year, they literally flipped. Because well, no other guy in my family, all my cousins and such, ever even considered ear piercing. I mean it's a small thing to everyone else outside of course, just the EARS, whereas I have seen people piercing everything from the bellies, eyebrows, tongues and their (Ouchhhh!) nipples. When my relatives and uncles and aunts saw my pierced ear I dont know what they were truly thinking on the inside, but what they would say would generally be "Wahhh stylo ahhh", "Not bad, I like your modern... fashion sense." Honestly i think behind my back they would be telling my younger cousins "Better dont become like him ah, Better not to look at him also! Later you follow! He can, you cannot!", and honestly I sure hope none of them (the boys) ever do pierce. Because my pants will be sure catch fire. "YOU! YOU SEE LAH! YOU TAUGHT MY SON!" Well i believe everyone has a choice in what they do! but well, just unlucky I'd be the first one in the whole big family, for BOTH sides mom and dad's, to pierce the ears. And no need to say when i got my second one slightly higher up the ear (but i rarely use anymore), they almost wanted to kick me out of the house haha! Ah what a funny sight. Next came the lines on my hair on the left side. First there were two, then came three, and now there's about 7. Each time I'm trying something new. And now my mom's super convinced that for every crime committed in singapore I'm sure die die going to get called in for questioning. Even if i were MILES away from the crime scene. They'd just pull me in because of the lines on the left side of my head. So i told her if that's the case maybe I'll consider bandaging the left side of my head each time I go out. But of course not what the hell! Finally came the time when i printed some tattoo images i found on google, because i really LOVED the art, and i thought why not i just pencil out a few myself, to see if I could draw too. And when my dad saw those pictures. He flipped. " (in chinese) You're not really considering getting a tattoo are you son?!", "Ah no lah i just want to draw...", "Eh i tell you ah! dont be crazy ah! Tattoo put already cannot take out one know! so ugly.", "EHHH HELLO My hand itchy i just want to draw something lah! ART.", "You dont art art art! Later you get hooked and you really want to get one!", then FML, mom walks by "YOU AH! WANT TO GET TATTOO AH?!" Well anyway the result of that small encounter is on facebook! Finally drew a decent fish! One of the few things i was actually proud of! Probably my best art so far too!
No comments:
Post a Comment