Decisions decisions... again

Here we go again! I find myself in a corner once more, pondering over a decision that I would have to make in a week's time. I dont even understand why I'd wanna poke into the lives of others, what spurred me on at that point of time to do so either! Sure, I knew what I was in for, I steeled myself mentally for the outcomes, I also thought about being some third party guy before, and I was pretty confident of it! Even tried to plan out nice things that could happen. But then again, who am I? Some hero come down from the sky to rescue some damsel in some love distress? Somehow along the way I think I forgot to consider one simple fact being : What if she didn't WANT any rescuing, or a way out? What she just wants to drown in her pool of sweet sorrow, because it might be much simpler to do so than to get out of it and find maybe find something better. What am I? A Solution to all the world's problems? The cure for every disease on this earth? Of all the things I considered, I guess I forgot to consider my own feelings for that matter too! Especially when she told me in point-blank about the guy she fancied, and oh wow, how she described it! With great passion and detail right down to the man's very eyebrows. And then I realise that at the same time this was what I was looking for all along, this fierce devotion i dont see in most people, and OH how I have searched for it. This is precisely what drew me to her in the first place. Then suddenly it dawned on me as I was overcome in this funny feeling that hey, that devotion doesn't belong to you man, it's for someone else. And then it struck me that I really didn't know what to do about it, how to obtain it, which somehow seems much more difficult to reach than I once thought. Like something on a tall shelf! Which doesn't seem very high from far, but when you actually get close you realise you need a really tall chair. And If you fall, it's going to hurt really bad. For the first time in a long while I felt a little heartache, but why should I? I don't understand. But i just felt a light touch of jealousy on my shoulder as I compared my current state with his. But it's not anybody's fault. After right now, who am I to her? Just a voice on the internet. He's worked with her for months. I thought it'd be easy to bear... but apparantly it's not. God I need to think carefully about what I'm doing. But for now, I'm just going to drown in the music